


Unlikely, Improbable and also Insane

by thepurplewombat



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Adventures, Friendship, Gen, Khan and Kirk's Epic Bromance, Spock is a million percent done with everything, bones does a lot of yelling, growing friendship, kirk has been thinking, that never ends well, this time it does though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2017-12-29 16:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepurplewombat/pseuds/thepurplewombat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So a couple of days ago <a>http://missmultifandommess.tumblr.com/</a> and I had a conversation about what an epic bromance Khan and Kirk could have had if things were different.<br/>Long story short, we decided to do a fic exchance.<br/>And here you have Part I of my offering!</p>
<p>This is not an AU - it takes place after STID. Kirk's been having some thoughts about Khan and his people, and comes to a conclusion that surprises everyone. Especially Khan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They were still complaining.

You’d think that once it got to the point where you were actually on the way to the place to do the thing, they would accept that the thing was _going to happen_.

Not Spock and Bones, though. Oh, no.

The whole way back to Earth it had been _Captain, this is illogical_ and _dammit, Jim, have you lost your mind?_ And even now, while they were walking the halls of the highest-security detention centre the Federation had, they hadn’t stopped.

“Captain, I must ask you to reconsider,” Spock said. “This is…”

“Illogical, Mr Spock. Yes, I know. And how many times is it that you’ve asked me to reconsider now?”

“At least twenty,” Bones said. “But Jim, he’s _right_. This is the worst idea you’ve ever had. And Jim, you have had some spectacularly bad ideas.”

Jim scoffed.

“All my ideas are fantastic, Bones.”

McCoy rolled his eyes and muttered something about Klingons and stupid people who didn’t know when enough was enough, which was utterly unfair because that had _absolutely_ and _completely_ not been Jim’s fault. How was he supposed to know that Klingons could drink like that? And Jim had to admit that he looked _spectacular_ in Klingon armour. And the fire had been accidental, anyway. The Consul had even apologised. A bit.

Well, not really apologised so much as called him a weakling with more courage than sense, but still. No war! Jim was inclined to think that was an accomplishment.

“Anyway, shut up, we’re here.”

The forcefield wavered in the air between them and the seated, black-clad figure. It had always amazed Jim how utterly still Khan could be when he wanted. And when he moved he just…exploded into motion and afterwards was still again, as though he’d never moved at all. Jim had heard of people being poetry in motion, but if Khan Noonien Singh’s movements were anything, they were heavy metal.

Khan didn’t bother to look up from the book he was reading.

“Captain,” he said. “I assume you are responsible for my current state?”

“More or less. You comfortable?”

Khan looked up this time, glancing at Jim and away.

“What do you think, Captain?”

“I think you’re probably not a happy camper right now. Look, I’ve come to make you an offer.”

Khan did the eyebrow thing and looked Jim up and down, analysing him.

“Finally found a use for a three hundred year old frozen man, then, Captain? How nice for you. And I suppose you will be holding my crew over my head until I do as you say as well? How…unoriginal, Kirk. I must admit I expected better for you. Do remember how well that worked out for your Admiral Markus. Now, what do you want?”

Jim took a step closer to the forcefield, then stopped and scowled at it. This wasn’t going to work, not if they had to talk like this.

“Can I come in?” he asked, and ignored Bones’ curse and Spock’s Vulcan Death Glare – which was absolutely a real thing no matter what certain first officers might have to say about it.

For a moment, Khan looked surprised, but then in a flash of motion he set down his book and waved an airy hand. He smirked a little, his entire body radiating amusement.

“My prison cell is your prison cell, Captain.”

“Thank you,” Jim said, and glanced at the guard. “Drop it. Raise it once I’m inside.”

He stepped into the bare white cell and glanced between the chair and the bed. Khan made himself at home on the bed and Jim sat down, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his hands dangle.

“I’m not going to use your crew against you, Khan. What Marcus did was wrong, and now I’ve had a bit of time to think about it I can see why you did what you did.”

“Is that so, Captain.”

“It is, actually. I’ve been working on this for a while now. I’ve taken it up with Starfleet, with the Vulcans, with everyone who will listen, and they’ve agreed that keeping your people frozen is not a viable long-term solution. Besides being basically inhumane, it’s really bloody expensive. So, your people are being released. All of them. Where they’re being released to is still under consideration. New Vulcan is currently a favoured option, simply because New Vulcan needs more people and-“

“And it would be harder for my people to attempt a takeover surrounded by Vulcans. Yes, that would make sense. And what do you want in return, Captain?”

Jim shrugged.

“Nothing. Your people are being released either way. I’m here to make you an offer, which you are free to refuse with no hard feelings.”

Khan’s face didn’t move. He just stared at Jim as though he could see every thought written on the back of his skull, and then raised an eyebrow.

“And that offer is?”

“I want you to come with us. The Enterprise is frequently placed in dangerous situations and much as I hate to admit it, we do need you, Khan. You, or someone like you. We’re out there in unexplored space and in the last year we’ve nearly lost the ship three times, and actually have lost control of the ship once, because we’re just too…” Jim trailed off, lost for words.

“Trusting?” Khan offered.

“Yes. It’s a harsh galaxy, out there beyond the Federation and we’re too damn trusting and civilized to survive it. We don’t have the instincts we need to function out there, but you do.”

“And so your solution to the problem of being too trusting is to bring aboard your ship a known mass murderer who has shown himself to be untrustworthy multiple times?”

“My solution,” Jim said firmly, “is to bring aboard my ship a certified genius with a very specialised skill set who once, under pressures I can’t even imagine enduring, made some serious mistakes. If you don’t do this, Khan, nobody will blame you. But if you _do_ , it could be the first step in proving to the world that augments aren’t untrustworthy, that you aren’t monsters. You told me once that your people went to sleep hoping that things would be different. I know that Marcus wasn’t exactly proof of that, but things _are_ different now. Things are better, and we will prove it to you. And if you do this? If you sign onto the Enterprise’s mission with us? That’s your chance to prove that augments can function in normal society.”

Khan’s face twisted up and he looked away from Kirk, scowling at the wall.

“We shouldn’t have to prove ourselves to anyone.”

“And how do you figure that? Before you went to sleep your people almost wiped out the rest of us. And I understand your reasoning, Khan, I really do, but you have to understand that people are scared of you. Augments have been nightmares to us for so long and this whole business with Marcus…Admiral Pike once told me that ‘a person is smart, but people are stupid,’ and that’s the truest thing I ever heard. When they hear your name they don’t think about the pressure you were under or why you did the things you did any more than I did at first. They just hear the name of a man who crashed a ship into Starfleet Headquarters. This is your chance to change it. I’m not saying it’s the only one. But I’m pretty sure that it’s the best one.”

Khan was still scowling at the wall.

“And what restrictions would I be operating under? Confined to quarters, a comfortable cell in the brig?”

Jim grinned, because if he was asking questions like that, it meant that he was at least _considering_ it, and damn it, Jim wanted this man on his ship.

“The same restrictions any other member of the crew operates under. You’d be aboard as a consultant, so no regular duty shifts.”

Khan made a noise in the back of his throat and glanced at Jim suspiciously from the corner of his eye.

“You’re actually serious about this,” he said.

“He really is,” Bones said morosely, the first thing either of his friends had said since he’d stepped into the cell.

“You realise it’s insane.”

“That’s what I said,” Bones said again.

“And completely illogical.”

“I have informed the Captain of that fact,” Spock said mildly.

Khan shook his head.

“You never cease surprising me, Captain. Very well. I will join your crew.”

Kirk felt the grin bloom over his face and did nothing to stop it, not even caring that Khan was looking at him with utter disdain.

“Excellent!” he said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are improbable parrots.

“Settling in okay?” Jim asked, leaning against the door to Khan’s quarters. The room was almost completely bare, the only sign that anyone was staying there a duffel on the bed, half-unpacked.

Khan looked at him over his shoulder, holding up a brightly coloured shirt in one hand.

“Captain,” he said. “May I ask when you suppose I would have occasion to wear…this?” He glared at the garment as though it had personally offended him.

Jim strolled in and took it from him.

“Shore leave? You will get shore leave eventually, you know. So I told Uhura to get you something a bit…relaxed.”

Khan’s eyebrow travelled halfway up his forehead.

“Shore leave or not, I refuse to contemplate ever wearing anything that…loud. Take it away and burn it.”

“No fires on the Enterprise, Khan. Scotty tends to get a bit short about that. I’ll take it myself, shall I? It’ll suit me, I think,” Jim said, and turned to leave, the shirt in one hand. It was an excellent shirt, although the parrots were…improbable.

“The fact that you appear to genuinely believe that is possibly greater proof of your essential inferiority than anything I have yet seen, Captain,” Khan said blandly, extracting some more (black, black, grey, black as the heart of midnight) clothes and sorting them into the dresser. Jim surprised himself by huffing a laugh.

“And now you insult my style? Really?”

Khan shrugged.

“You may tell your Uhura that I am…grateful…for the clothing. That abomination aside, she appears to have excellent taste.”

“Tell her yourself,” Jim called over his shoulder as he left the Enterprise’s newest crewmember to get himself sorted out.

Spock did the eyebrow at him when Jim got to the bridge, shirt in hand. Clearly, Jim was going to get supremely tired of the one-eyebrow look pretty soon.

“And how is our new colleague?” he asked coolly.

“Settling in. Insulting my style. Doesn’t like Hawaiian shirts. Says your girlfriend has great taste. The usual.”

“I do have great style,” Uhura said. “Well-known fact.”

Jim nodded and glared Spock out of the chair so he could sit down.

“Did Starfleet HQ send any orders, or is it just ‘explore strange new worlds’ some more?” he asked.

“Strange new worlds, sir,” Uhura said. Jim grinned.

“Excellent. In that case, a I met a Ferengi in a bar-“

“Nothing good ever came from a sentence that starts like that,” Uhura muttered under her breath, but Jim ignored her.

“and he told me about this little planet called Risa. Have you heard of Risa, Spock?”

“It’s a holiday planet, Captain, and it’s been thoroughly explored.”

“Not by humans. Sulu, set me a course to Risa. I think we need to introduce ourselves. And Scotty – Uhura, get me Scotty – SCOTTY! Scotty, we need another seat on the bridge, there’s no point in having a Khan on board if he’s not on the bridge when I need him.”

“Captain,” Spock said, “I must protest-“

“Again? _Really_ , Mr Spock? He’s actually _on_ the ship now, so you might as well give it up.”

Spock’s expression said ‘NEVER’ as clearly as though he’d shouted it, but he just sighed and shut up.

“So, Sulu. Set a course for Risa.” He rubbed his hands together. “Let’s go meet some people.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the away team goes to Risa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so sorry for the slowness of this update, but sadly I can't write in November (no, not 'I'm working on my original for NaNo' can't write, but actual 'I've been staring at this blank sheet of paper/computer screen for three hours, fuck it I'm going to go lie on my bed and think about things that don't make me sad' can't write.  
> Such, unfortunately, is life.  
> But! here's a chapter. It's not terribly long, but I like it!

The girl was pretty. She was pretty, and she was smiling and welcoming the Enterprise to Risa, and that was basically all Jim cared about. Pretty girls who were happy to see him always had that effect.

“She’s scared,” Khan said the moment the connection closed. “Her heart rate is above normal for her species and she bit her lip three times during the conversation. There’s something wrong on Risa.”

Jim stared. Uhura stared. Sulu, not to be outdone, stared. Even Spock got in on some staring action.

“What?”

“The girl is scared. I researched her species during my tenure with Marcus, and she’s not acting normally.” Khan leaned back in his chair, looking – damn him – more captain-y (was that a word? Jim didn’t care, it was now) than Jim. And, and this was a bit of a contradiction (Jim didn’t care about that either), also looking a little bit like some kind of barbarian king. Jim kept expecting him to demand dancing boys and sugared something-or-other. That chair wasn’t even designed for lounging in. It was exactly the same as Jim’s. He’d checked, and he couldn’t lounge in his. Just another augment superpower, then. “I suggest we go on our way, Captain. There is no reason to involve the Enterprise.”

“Except that if you’re right, the people down there are in some kind of trouble, and if you’re wrong, we all miss out on a perfectly good holiday for no reason,” Jim said. “So what say we beam down and see what’s going on?”

Khan gave him the _look_. It was a very good look, and implied that Jim was an idiot without, you know, actually coming out and saying it out loud. It was remarkably similar to Spock’s look. Jim dreaded the day the two of them figured out how very alike they actually were and started tag-teaming him.

“Captain, if I may,” Spock said. “It really is none of our concern.”

“Of course it is,” Jim said. “The hot, hot ladies could be in danger! We absolutely have no other choice!”

“You realise that you said that out loud, sir?” Uhura asked sweetly. “About the hot, hot ladies?”

“Shut it, Uhura, you’re hearing things. Now, away team down to the transporter room, we’re going on shore leave!”

The away team, in this case, was Jim, Khan and Spock, which left Sulu in charge. Theoretically. Practically, Uhura was so very much the boss of everyone on the ship.

“Khan, will you stop glaring?” Jim asked. “It’s shore leave, it’ll be fun!”

Khan just looked at him.

***

“Oh, yes,” Khan said, wriggling in his bonds. “This is very fun, Captain. Please inform me the next time you plan on having 'fun'. I believe I would prefer to be eaten alive by varren.” Khan's ability to make air quotes with his hands tied behind his back probably also qualified a a superpower.

Spock, the damn traitor, looked about as amused as he got, which meant that his mouth tilted just slightly at one corner.

“This isn’t my fault,” Jim protested.

“You were the one who ordered us to leave all our weapons on the Enterprise. If we hadn’t don’t that, we could have taken out the Ferengi in minutes instead of being overwhelmed and, now, tied up in what increasingly appears to be a sewer, and out of contact with the ship. Forgive me for continuing to blame you, Captain,” Khan mumbled. He was still squirming. It looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“What are you doing?” Spock asked, just as Khan did something that had his legs briefly behind his head before there was a vicious cracking sound and then the augment was on his feet. The cuff was still around one ankle but the other was free, and bleeding.

“Getting loose. I’ll be back for you soon,” he said, and strolled away, the very picture of unconcern except for the fact that his hands were still bound behind his back, and the limp he couldn’t really conceal.

“Did he just…” Jim couldn’t continue.

“Snap his own ankle to escape his bonds? Apparently so. I always did believe that he allowed us to capture him on Qo’noS, sir.”

“Even I knew that, Spock. I just couldn’t understand _why_.”

“Your Admiral Pike had a reputation as an honourable man,” Khan said, returning silently and suddenly. “And he believed in you. I believed you to be an honourable man, Kirk, and so I believed my best chance for stopping Marcus was to throw my lot in with you.”

Jim held his hands out to be freed, which Khan did without looking at him before moving on to Spock.

“And then you betrayed us,” Jim said quietly, setting to work on his feet. It was childishly simple to break out of the chains once you could actually access the keypad holding the magnetic locks closed.

“Who shot whom on that bridge, Captain? I believe you will find that _I_ did not shoot my ally in the back the moment I believed I had victory in my grasp. Nor,” Khan added with a deeply aggrieved air – clearly he’d been stewing on this for a while – “did I ever attempt to beat to death a prisoner who had just surrendered to be and clearly wasn’t fighting back.”

“Pot,” Spock said with a quiet smirk, “meet kettle.”

“Shut it, Spock. Where did you even learn that?”

“Lieutenant Uhura knows a surprising number of idioms. In any event, perhaps it is time we moved on? You can always continue this conversation later. Perhaps when we are not in the middle of a mission?”

“No,” Jim said and stood up straight, looking at Khan. “I’m sorry. I should probably have trusted you a bit more, and I definitely shouldn’t have hit you. I didn’t understand about the torpedoes then – to be honest, not sure how much I’d have cared if I had known, I was really angry – and I didn’t understand what a shit position you were in at that point, but that’s no excuse. I was wrong to do it, and I’m sorry.”

The silence was long, and awkward. Khan was staring at Jim as though he would like nothing more than to cut open his skull to see how his brain worked, and Spock was…well, if he didn’t know better, Jim would have said that Spock was flabbergasted.

Jim cleared his throat.

“Right. We going, then?”

Still making with the laser eyes, Khan slowly nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it went a bit off course there at the end but I really wanted Jim to apologize for his generally shitty behaviour toward Khan during basically the whole movie.  
> I mean, what with Jim betraying him first, do we actually KNOW that Khan was about to betray them? No, we do not.  
> And the whole beating-of-a-prisoner thing...the first time I saw it my thoughts were basically 'Oh, Jim. Pike is going to be so, so disappointed in you' and THEN of course I had thinky thoughts about why Khan was letting it happen and it all became eleventy million times worse because Khan would have let Kirk do literally anything to him in order to keep his people safe.  
> So anyway, hope you like!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jim thinks Khan should have a soundtrack, and they come in peace.

“You should let me look at that ankle,” Jim said, tagging along behind Khan. The man was limping more with every step, and muttering curses under his breath.

“Are you a medical professional, Captain?” he asked, not even bothering to turn his head to look at Jim. Of course, if _Jim_ had been walking on a possibly-broken ankle (not that he would, because he wasn’t stupid, and also he had a pain threshold. A high one, it had to be said, but it looked like Khan didn’t have one at _all_ ) he wouldn’t have had the energy to spare to turn his head just for the sake of politeness either.

“No, but-“

“Then you will forgive me if I decline. My leg will suffice until your Doctor McCoy can take care of it. In any case, we are almost there,” he said and sped up a bit.

“Almost where?” Jim asked. Khan’s faith that Bones wouldn’t just let him suffer was touching. Or possibly he knew that Jim would have to order Bones to treat him if the good doctor refused – which, to be fair, was not unlikely. Bones had really liked Carol Marcus, and she was still walking with a cane.

“We have nearly reached the surface, Captain,” Spock supplied. “The air here is fresher. How did you know which way to go?” he asked Khan.

“Simple enough to remember a few turns, Mister Spock. Especially when Ferengi don’t know enough about human physiology to notice the difference between feigned unconsciousness and true sleep.”

Jim let out a snort.

“You let them think they’d beat you, Khan? Why?”

“The ones who were not directly engaged with me,” Khan said, pausing to stretch out his leg and look down at his ankle – which looked fairly horrible, actually, his bare foot black and blue and the join itself swollen and incredibly painful looking, “had begun to remove you and the Vulcan from the arrivals room. I could not guarantee that they would not confine us separately if I proved impossible or very difficult to subdue, so I allowed them to think that they had rendered me unconscious, and they placed me with you. Thereby saving me a great deal of time which I might otherwise have spent unconscious or searching for you.”

There was a moment of silence. It made sense, it really did, if you were working on the assumption that Khan actually gave a good goddamn what happened to Jim and Spock, and wouldn’t abandon them and make his own way off-planet, possibly defeating all the Ferengi single-handedly and stealing their ship in the bargain. Jim realised he’d have to trust Khan, of course he did, but he hadn’t thought an opportunity for the augment to prove himself trustworthy would come this soon. So, working on the assumption that Khan really was on their side, for the foreseeable future, his actions were the most sensible he could possibly have done. But…

“I am curious that your pride allowed you to do that,” Spock said after a short silence.

Khan’s snort was contemptuous.

“Pride, Mister Spock? What use does and augment have for pride? No. Pride and honour are both worthless if they stand in the way of survival.” He straightened up abruptly. “They’re coming. Be ready.”

Jim grasped the length of pipe he’d been carrying in both hands. Soon they heard the Ferengi coming too, and Khan held up a hand, all five fingers out. They were outnumbered, then, but they had the advantage of surprise. Also, they had Khan. Jim had no doubt that even with a buggered ankle, the augment was worth at least two, maybe three normal humans.

Maybe, Jim corrected as the first Ferengi turned the corner and Khan exploded into motion, slamming a Ferengi into the wall with a vicious snarl that almost covered the cracking sound his bones made as they shattered, maybe it was closer to five normal humans. Or ten. Khan was moving, fast and graceful and deadly as fuck, and Spock was right behind him, a silent shadow incapacitating rather than killing. Jim was…Jim may have slightly been rooted to the spot, staring.

Less than thirty seconds after the first Ferengi had turned the corner the three of them were the only conscious beings in the corridor, and Khan chucked Jim a Ferengi phaser.

“Perhaps next time you can shoot something while you’re frozen in terror,” he said blandly.

“Hey! I was not _frozen in terror_ , thank you very bloody much!” Jim snapped. “I just…you’re really good, you know. Like really, really good. I kept waiting for some kind of soundtrack to start playing in the background.”

Khan raised an eyebrow and may or may not have smiled. A bit.

“Thank you, Captain. Of course, this is what I was bred for. So any compliments should rightfully go to my creators. Or possibly the ones who trained me. They’re all dead now, of course.”

“It’s been three hundred years,” Spock said. “It would be truly miraculous if they weren’t. Shall we move along?”

Khan nodded and took the lead again.

“We’re very close to the surface now. There will be many more of them up there, but possibly also some of the natives. No telling how much assistance they’ll be, of course.”

“The ones in the arrivals room were no help whatsoever,” Jim grumbled. “Just stood there.”

“Risans are profoundly nonviolent,” Spock said, hanging back as Khan peered around a corner. “I very much doubt that they will be of any assistance whatsoever.”

Khan drew back, smirking.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that, Mister Spock. I wouldn’t say that at all,” he drawled, putting his hands in the air as five heavily-armed, extremely attractive, Risans turned the corner. “What is it you always say, Captain? We come in peace?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may have noticed that updates on this are very sporadic. I do apologise for that, but sadly, between Real Life and original writing and so on, I don't see it changing any time soon. Rest assured, though, that even though a month or so may go by between updates, this story is not abandoned.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Khan shows a fondness for things that go boom, Spock speaks in punctuation and Jim questions his life choices.

“Profoundly nonviolent, you say,” Jim muttered.

Spock said nothing. It was probably the wisest choice he could have made, considering that they were in the middle of what was basically an armed underground camp. They weren’t prisoners, not exactly. They were more like…honoured guests. Honoured guests who weren’t allowed to leave.

 _Some of us_ , he reflected, watching Khan in the middle of a small group of Risans, _more honoured than others_. They’d really taken a shine to him, it seemed. Of course it probably helped that Khan had handed over all the weapons they had taken off the Ferengi, no argument, no questions. The underground Risans seemed to be big fans of weapons. From what they’d said on their way back, they had reason to be.

Apparently the Ferengi had been on the planet for more than a planetary cycle now, using it as a handy point from which to conduct some really rather impressive piracy operations. Jim could almost admire them, if it weren’t for the fact that he was now a victim of their nefarious plans.

“Uhura is going to make fun of me about  this forever and ever, isn’t she,” Jim said. Sometimes, Jim was really unclear on how he had managed to end up with the sassiest, snarkiest crew in all of Starfleet. Then he remembered that they were also the best, and felt a little better. Until someone sassed him. It was a vicious cycle.

Spock sighed.

“Captain, if you think Lt. Uhura is going to be the only one mocking you about this for the rest of your natural life, I fear you are mistaken. Very much so.”

“Are you giving me attitude, Mister Spock? Because I can get another first officer, you know.”

Spock smirked at him. Actually _smirked_ , like he was allowed to have emotions now!

Jim sighed.

“Allright, fine, maybe I can’t get another first officer. But I can totally put you in the brig and give your spot to Khan. I bet he wouldn’t give me any lip.”

“As he appears to have done nothing since being brought aboard _but_ give you, as you so quaintly put it, ‘lip’-“ And Jim could _hear the airquotes_ , and why could Spock of all people talk in punctuation? – “I find myself in sincere doubt of your assertion.”

Jim had his mouth open to say something _really cutting_ in return when he spotted Khan strolling back in their direction, chatting quite cheerfully with two young Risans with really amazingly spiky hair. He really wasn’t the same sinister, angry man Jim had locked up in the brig all those months ago. _That_ Khan would have killed everyone here and counted it a good day, probably.

“Captain,” Khan said, going from standing to lounging in one smooth motion that Jim really envied. His ankle had been wrapped up with a brightly coloured bandage – apparently the Risans used to believe that bright colours sped healing, and the tradition had stuck – and he seemed to be walking more easily. Someone had let him have some of the good painkillers, then. “the Risans have agreed to help us escape, provided that we help them to get rid of the Ferengi. They have weapons but no actual military experience, while we are in almost the exact opposite situation.”

“Training but no weapons, yep, got it. Have they got any intel on how many Ferengi there are, and where?”

The Risan to the left of Khan leaned over him to spread an old-fashioned paper map out on the table between them, a hand on his shoulder like he wasn’t the most dangerous man Jim had ever met.

“Only fifty of them,” he said. “Now.”

“Been doing a bit of groundwork?” Jim asked.

The Risan smiled at him.

“There used to be ninety. We managed to whittle down their numbers before they instituted a system of reprisals.”

Spock nodded.

“The first step in subduing any captive population. We will have to move quickly, then, before they become aware of the deaths of the five we killed in the tunnels.”

“They are split up into teams of five, heavily armed, and they follow regular patrol routes except for the captain and his guards. At any time half of them are in the building they’ve turned into their barracks, while the others are out on patrol, making sure nobody stirs up any trouble.”

Khan tapped the building the Risan had pointed out as the barracks.

“Are there likely to be any of your people in the barracks building?” he asked.

“Not likely, no. They don’t really want to see us, much.”

“Then it occurs to me,” Khan said slowly, “that an explosive of some kind would be the most efficient way to rid ourselves of half the enemy contingent. Throw it in through a window and…boom.” He looked disturbingly happy with the idea. Jim considered trying to get him and Chekhov to bond over their mutual love of things that went kablooey, and decided that the ship would probably not survive.

“An ambush,” Spock said, and he sounded almost approving. “Logical. Do you have explosives, or will we have to manufacture something?”

And Khan actually _grinned_ like a kid at Christmas.

“They lack explosives, Mister Spock. But they do have a fairly well-stocked chemistry lab set up down here – they use it mainly for recreational drugs, but I think between the two of us we can probably improvise something a little more…vigorous, don’t you?”

“Have a lot of experience in chemistry, do you?” Jim asked.

“Not as much as I’d like, Captain. The training regimen of an augment doesn’t leave much room for recreation, and after I was grown I was…busy. I was specifically taught how to improvise explosives from harmless materials, however. Mister Spock will no doubt be helpful in making some kind of grenade-style delivery system. If he’s willing, that is.”

Spock was already standing, practically vibrating with eagerness.

“After you, Khan. I think if we use copper – they seem to have a lot of it, and it’s easy to work with basic casting materials…”

Jim watched them go off to their science-y fun, and turned to the two Risans.

“Right. Let’s see if we can show you a bit more about using those weapons you’re carrying, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, my headcanon Khan is a closet chemistry nerd. Man's gotta have some hobbies, right?
> 
> Al systems are go for Kirk and Spock: Science Bros!
> 
> In other news, we're almost done on Risa! Where would you guys like to see them go next? Any suggestions for bonding experiences?


	6. Part VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a slight miscalculation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just short of a year since I last updated, here's the concluding chapter of Risa. I am a terrible person.

“I may have miscalculated slightly,” Khan said.

“Slightly?” Jim asked. “If you call that a ‘slight’ miscalculation, I’d love to see what you’d call an enormous cock-up.”

To be fair, Khan’s explosions had _definitely_ taken out the Ferengi’s commandeered barracks.  The only problem was that they’d also flattened every building in a two-block radius. The fires were still burning away merrily. Some of the Risans who weren’t busy rounding up the last remaining Ferengi or treating the surprisingly few wounded were doing a sort of conga line thing around the ruined barracks.

“According to one of the Ferengi they had crates full of old-fashioned gunpowder in the barracks,” Spock said, appearing out of the flickering shadows. “Similar to that used on pre-space Earth, I would speculate. The gunpowder would have enhanced the power of our explosives by several orders of magnitude.”

“Is that so?” Khan asked.

“So you didn’t fuck up after all?” Jim asked. “That’s nice to know.”

“We did not, as you say, ‘fuck up.’ And Khan is an impressive practical chemist, although his theoretical knowledge leaves something to be desired.”

“So hard to find time for night courses when you’re ruling the world,” Khan said drily.

“Indeed.”

“Also I would imagine that being totally terrifying would be off-putting to many teachers,” Jim said.

“Indeed.”

They stood in silence for a few moments, watching the clean-up operations start. It seemed to be combined with the victory celebration.

“I suppose it’s time we made ourselves scarce,” Jim said, reaching for his communicator. “Saved the day, got the girl – well, Khan got the girl. Khan got _all_ the girls, as I recall, the jammy bastard. Now, I think it’s time we got back to the Enterprise. I’m sure Uhura has a lot of yelling to do.”

“Is it my fault that the Risans clearly have an eye for superior specimens?” Khan asked with an air of wounded dignity. “And nobody could say I took advantage.”

“Bet it’s just because your foot hurt too much. I’ll have Bones look at it when we get back up there, okay? And then we can come back and have a proper holiday.”

“I think perhaps it is time for us to be about our mission,” Spock said. “Strange new worlds and so on.”

If Jim strained his ears, he could just about hear Khan speaking over the whine of the transporter.

“Have you ever heard of Betazed?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end of the Risan part of their adventure. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed it. I make no promises about more chapters, although I would love to do some of the things you lovely folks have suggested in the comments, like the thing with the tribble and so on. Also Betazed, although that may end up being quite a sad one.
> 
> Thank you all for your patience and for not beating me to death with my own keyboard for taking so long!


End file.
